


The Best Way To Woo Your Crush Is To Defile A Sacred Monument And Make It Look Like You're Stalking Them

by MayorOfCanTown



Category: Doctor Who, Homestuck
Genre: Aradia is also mentioned but in like half a sentence so its not really important enough to tag, Blog, Crossover!, Flirting, History, Kinda, M/M, Magicks, Science, Time Travel, Vague, Whostuck, basically nothing gets explained, dont ask for any explanation, why the fuck did I write this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-15
Updated: 2017-08-15
Packaged: 2018-12-15 17:52:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,617
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11811183
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MayorOfCanTown/pseuds/MayorOfCanTown
Summary: Two people come out of the box, with English accents. The girl was curious, her ginger hair flicking as she turned her head, with a look of confidence. The man, on the other hand, clad in a bow tie and suspenders, seemed very confused."Yes. I hit something. That shouldn’t be possible; there shouldn’t be anything in the time stream, and definitely not around these parts… and definitely not…”You clamber to your feet – clamber?  No.  You… slide to your feet with cool indifference – and make yourself known, interrupting them.“Whatcha lookin’ for?”





	The Best Way To Woo Your Crush Is To Defile A Sacred Monument And Make It Look Like You're Stalking Them

As much as you expected it, it still took you by surprise. You have your first fan.

_"So I've been doing some more research with the help of one of my “friends” who is crazy about old and dead shit, and there seems to be not only one, but two time travellers in our world. The first, I've spoken about before, but the second is a bit more interesting; he seems to leave a scratched record wherever he goes._

_This is a photo I took while I was in Italy, in a museum. The exhibit said:_

_"This symbol was etched into the wall of one of the lesser known Colosseums in Ancient Rome. When it was unearthed, archaeologists and architects discovered that this was a load bearing pole, and without this scratch, the whole building could have collapsed."_

_My theory is that in some alternate timeline, it did collapse, and this guy went back in time to fix the problem to save everyone in there!_

Well, something like that. You didn't know any of it. Just wanted to leave your mark. How coincidental.

_Underneath the symbol is the word Dave, written in Latin Script (English letters) which wasn't invented for hundreds of years, the name not popularised for thousands._

_That isn't it though, there's so much more..._

You read more of the post; this guy has really done his homework. It's a bunch of marks you left behind from at least half of your adventures, plus some more you haven't even gone on yet!

_... I mean, seriously, this guy seems just to be fucking with history more than anything else. He scratched a URL into the back of the Rosetta Stone, for fuck's sake. That was probably a serious piece of history in his timeline._

_The URL doesn't actually link to an existing web page, which is weird. Most of his stuff is very fucking deliberate._

_Anyway, that's all I have for you shitlicks today. Drop a comment or whatever._

_\- mod Karkat_

_EDIT: Holy shit_

_Holy shit_

_The url on the stone_

_It's *this post*_

_He knows about this post_

_He’s fucking stalking me oh gog oh fuck_

Of course, the guy is getting hounded pretty hard. Most people just think he's faking it but some are really attacking him for some reason. Poor guy.

You go for another stride to ancient Egypt, Memphis, apparently, to break into Ptolemy V's chambers to shitpost on the Rosetta Stone, and are just about to start scratching when an olive skinned man grabs your shoulder.

"And what do you think you're doing?"

"I think I'm about to draw some lines," you spout back, in perfect Egyptian. "Is that a problem?"

If you know anything about yourself, there'll be another one of you popping up any second.

"Yes, boy, it is! This carving is commissioned on the order of High Ruler Ptol..." He trails off as you catch his eye; a future version of you, that is. "Is this some kind of joke?"

"No." The other Dave kicks him in the head, knocking him out on the concrete. "7 seconds," he deadpans to you, before turning to the stone.

"Thanks for the help," you call out before striding back 7 seconds to repeat the events all over again.

 

 

The stone itself is impressive. Had you been a historian or a linguist, you would have marvelled at the genius of it, even in this half-finished state. You are neither of these things, so you do the only logical thing: defiling it.

Once you finish, you try to stride back to when you came from; getting slammed in the face with a big blue box instead is not the most pleasant experience, as you land on the floor who knows when and who knows where.

"You hit something?” Two people come out of the box, with English accents. The girl was curious, her ginger hair flicking as she turned her head, with a look of confidence. The man, on the other hand, clad in a bow tie and suspenders, seemed very confused.

"Yes. I hit something. That shouldn’t be possible; there shouldn’t be anything in the time stream, and definitely not around these parts… and definitely not…”

You clamber to your feet – clamber?  No.  You… slide to your feet with cool indifference – and make yourself known, interrupting them. “Whatcha lookin’ for?”

“Oh! Hello! I’m the Doctor, and that’s Amy.”

“Hey!”

“The Doctor? Cool. Question: got a real name?”

He shuffles around in his suit jacket, before pulling out a wallet, opening it and showing it to you. “See? The Doctor!”

“Ah yes, plain white. The best ID. Sorry, whoever you are, but psychic paper doesn’t work on me.”

He looks at you quizzically, before muttering to himself. “You’ve clearly got an imagination. That means-” He takes a deep breath, probably for dramatic effect. “-you’re either a genius or psychic. And frankly, you don’t strike me as a genius.” You chuckle. “So who exactly are you?” His previous manner dissipates into a stern look. “Are you from Torchwood?”

“Doctor, he’s just a kid!”

“All the more reason to check. If they’re recruiting children now, we have a problem.”

“What the flummery is Torchwood?” You didn’t say flummery, who says flummery? “What the tarnation? Consarn it! Why can’t I snap crackle popping swear?”

“If this kid was Torchwood, wouldn’t he know about the filter?”

“Yes. Well, probably. But more importantly, as far as I know, they don’t tolerate swearing either.”

“Either? What do you mean?” The man pats the large box next to him.

“She doesn’t like it. She censors it.”

“She?”

“You can ask me that, or I can ask you a better question: why does psychic paper not work on you?”

These guys were clearly striders as well. However, they weren’t Striders, so you decide to be as vague as possible, and redirect the attention. “I don’t remember, a skill I picked up somewhere.” Technically, you’re telling the truth. “Are you guys striders?”

“Striders? Doctor, does he mean-”

“Strider? That’s a name for it I haven’t heard in a while… you aren’t… no, you couldn’t be… Knight?”

What.

This guy, turns up out of nowhere with psychic paper, starts asking you all these questions and dodging yours, and then calls you by your brother’s nickname for you? Not cool.

“Hey, lay off, ‘Doctor’, whoever you are. Don’t know if you’re some crazy mind reader or something, but get lost. I don’t even know you.”

“No! Of course, you don’t! Not yet anyway!” He runs over to you and _oh god he’s hugging you oh god oh no this is weird stop_.

“Doctor, what’s going on? Why are you hugging this kid and why does he look like he wants to kill you?” He lets go and backs off very suddenly, apologetic.

“Right. Sorry. You don’t know me yet.”

“Yet?”

“Exactly! Amy, Knight is another time traveller! Or I guess, strider, which is his word for it.”

 “Okay, what?” you deadpan, less a question, more a statement.

“We meet up a lot, in the past. Well, my past, your future. And my future? And your past, chronologically but not from the observer?”

“Prove it.”

“Prove it?”

“Prove you know me. Tell me something only I know.”

“Simple.” He pulls out a scrap of paper from one of his pockets. “You’re on your way to meet up with someone who blogs about time travel. You just came back from ruining the Rosetta Stone and you’re going to meet him. You first found him as a blogger a few months back and fell in love when you saw his photo. You’ve just been waiting for him to discover you so you have an excuse to go meet him.”

Oh.

Well then.

There’s that.

“Gimme that.” You reach out and snatch it out of his hands; it’s all in your handwriting, and you never wrote this, at least, not yet, anyway. “You’re in my future.”

“Yeah! I was a bit surprised when you showed up out of nowhere and knew who I was, but this makes sense.”

“Doctor,” the girl says, a little impatient. “You still didn’t answer my question.”

“Knight and I fought together in the war. He’s human as far as I know, but he still fought for us. You might meet him properly at some point when he’s grown up and knows who I am.”

“I… uh… have to go.” You stride away without looking back, far too weirded out to take any of that in.

 

~~~

 

You look fondly back on that memory, on every adventure you and the Doctor shared, and even on the terrible, terrible war that stole so many lives. The Doctor created The Knight on that day, and it is time for the favour to finally be repaid.

“Is it today?” your husband, Karkat, asks; his hands on your shoulders.

“Yeah. I’ll be back before you know it.”

“You okay?” He frowns and kisses you.

“Yeah. Just, seeing a friend for the last time.”

You take a stride – no normal stride; you stride for longer than you ever have, further than you ever have, to a planet called Gallifrey, to a young Time Lord.

“Who are you?” he asks, eyes full of wonder.

“Right now? I’m no one, really. But sometime soon, I’m going to be one of your best friends.” High Gallifreyan: the final language to master.

“Really?” He smiles up at you and you laugh, smiling back and crouching down.

“Yup! And you’re going to go on lots of adventures and help so many people, kid.”

“Help people? Like a doctor?”

“Yeah.” You stand to your feet, rubbing a tear from underneath your sunglasses. “Just like a doctor.”

**Author's Note:**

> why and when did I write this I just found it on my old hard drive  
> eh
> 
> PUBLISH
> 
> Hope you enjoy this Shit
> 
> \- The Mayor!


End file.
